A Grain of Hope – Or Maybe Just The Medication?

I can feel them stirring, wriggling
like worms in soft, wet soil.
The thoughts, the ideas,
the need to create
breaking free of depression’s coil.
I pray, though not a religious type,
I really hope and wish
that this is not just the medicine,
that what it seems is what it is?
I can feel them twisting, stretching within
like a bear at hibernation’s end.
And I pray, though not a religious type
that I soon can see sunshine again.

Cautiously optimistic, though very aware that the current/new medication has previously proven to cause more (hypomanic) harm in the long run… Very happy to not see everything in dark colours though, so I’ll take every second of relief I can get!

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Staying Alive

Photo by CC Champagne

I’ve taken myself
out of the race
because staying alive is enough.

I cherish each breath
and each beat of my heart
because – some days – just living is tough.

I’ve taken myself
out of the race
because I’m in the fight of my life!

It’s not about winning
but staying alive
and each day I survive is a prize.

It’s all a bit of a struggle at the moment, with messed up medication and all sorts… But I’m not dying, and there are so many out there who have it worse.

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Wordless

Photo by CC Champagne

Days go past, wordless…
I am stuck in my own brain.
Thoughts flow, without aim or goal,
carelessly, like summer’s rain.
I really, really miss it
the madness and the might.
I really, really crave it
the power of my mania’s light.
But days go past, all wordless
and I’m stuck in my own brain.
Thoughts now flow so aimlessly
and my muse a mere ghost’s limb in pain.

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The Bubbles…

Image via Google images, from The Berry

The bubbles
in my glass
turn to nothing
as they pass…

The thoughts
in my brain
turn to poems
as they fade…

The beating
of my heart
turns to nothing
in the end…

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Tears

I can water nature’s growing crops
with the tears I shed from my eyes.
There is so much of me I want to share
to make heard over fears kept inside!

I can quench the thirst of those in need
with the tears I shed in my heart.
There is so much of life I want to live
but inevitably I will fall apart.

I can swim in an ocean of unsung hope
with the tears that fall every day.
But my tongue is tied, hope floats out to sea,
as I curl up and hide away.

You say ‘dry your tears, pull yourself up,
there’s no reason for you to cry’.
I smile weakly, but inside the darkness rules
with the echoing question ‘why’?

I can water nature’s growing crops,
whet the lands that are parched with draught,
with the tears that fall from this failure’s eyes
when she’s not the person she ought!

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Being No One

Not to be Reproduced by Rene Magritte, image from Magpie Tales

You may look, you may look,
but I’m never to be seen.
From within, looking out
hiding in the evergreen.

You may search, you may search
but you never will find me.
Tucked away, out of sight
high up in the tallest tree.

You may call, you may call,
but I’ll never answer back.
Mute my voice, not by choice
vocal cords now withered black.

You may write down my name,
but you’ll never really know.
I am safe, on my own
where my feelings never show.

How, you say, do I know
that you never will find me?
How could you, when indeed
there is no one here to see?

For Magpie Tales and Mag 224.

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