It is my safe place, the place I go to in my mind when the real world is just too much and I need to recharge my batteries. A few moments is usually all it takes, going back to childhood, lying in the warm mossy grass at the back of the house in the summer sunshine. Such a powerful memory I can hear my grandfather mowing the front lawn, picture him in his shorts, leather tanned skin bathing in sweat. I wonder what he was thinking about? I know my grandmother is in the kitchen, humming to herself as she prepares the food we will all eat soon, or bakes… Oh, my grandmother’s cinnamon rolls… The scent permeates the air.
All these memories have that sepia tone where colours are still colours, only faded with time. Somewhere in the huge garden I know Emil, our beautiful Boxer boy, is sniffing around. Perhaps doing one of his many mad dashes around the vegetable patch, wild with happiness at being back there.
In my mind I visit the little guesthouse with the faded floral wall-paper, where I spent so many nights from the time I was old enough to be trusted and could move out of the upstairs sofa-bed next to my grandparents’ bedroom. The upstairs of the guesthouse where the ceiling was so low you couldn’t really stand straight and where we’d sit playing cards while listening to my blue radio-cassette player. The enormous geraniums my grandmother always kept in the downstairs window… I’ve never known anyone who could deal with plants the way my grandmother did.
The moss is soft and spongy beneath me as the physical me remains, in my mind, lying there gathering strength from the warm soil, from Mother Nature. I picture walking down the gravel covered driveway to the front of the house, down the sloping driveway where, in winter I always wanted to bring my sled to the very top of the garden and slide down to the very end. Grandfather always put a stop to that one, though. The driveway was cleared of snow and the gravel shone through just enough to prevent any high-speed sliding… I always thought it unfair of him…
On both sides of the stairs up to the front door there were paved patio areas, cheap deck chairs and a table on one and grandmother’s collection of tomato plants for the year on the other. If you sat on the stairs in the evening, the scent of jasmine would be almost overwhelming while you watched the suns last burning embers on the horizon.
And the house! Just an ordinary house, but to me – in my safe place and in my memory – so much more. My original home, the first place I remember living, when my mother and I occupied the two rooms and kitchen upstairs apartment. I had my play-room in the little cubby behind the bathroom, the place where if you didn’t know what you were doing you could easily jam the door and not get out… I know every inch of that room. I know every inch of that house. The amazing scent of a wood stove furnace in the basement. The way sounds echoed in the ‘good’ living room downstairs where family only gathered for birthdays and holidays and where my grandfather kept his encyclopedia. He never gave up any argument until his encyclopedia had proven him wrong. Stubborn, wonderful old man!
The kitchen where my grandmother would curl up on the kitchen sofa for her midday nap and where we’d listen to the news and sea weather report every day at lunchtime, though none of us really understood the value of the sea weather report. It was just the way it was. The way my grandfather wanted it. Then he’d take a nap in the garden in summer or on the sofa in the good living room in winter. He knew the value of the power nap long before anyone ever thought to call it that. Ahhhh…. I miss him!
This is my safe place, the place I go to in my mind when the real world is simply a little bit too much. Both grandparents have been gone for a very long time, but in my mind… In the sunshine of that never-ending summer day in my mind, they are there and just knowing that I was once loved by them helps me stay alive today.
Cissi, den här är UNDERBAR!!
jag blev så till mig och ville så gärna visa dig att jag tycker den är just Underbar, s¨pass exalterad att jag glömde att min nobil dummar sig när man går ut på nätet…..
Jag ville ge den stjärnor och tummen upp, men jag tror att min mobil bestämde att jag inte fick,,,
det blev en tummen ner… jag är så ledsen FÖRLÅT!!
om jag kan ta bort den, och såtta en upp, berätta då hur jag ska göra!
masterpiece!!
Kramar!!
❤
*skrattar* Du kan ju alltid göra några tummar upp så jämnar det ut sig! 😉 Tack vännen, dina ord värmer och jag är väldigt glad att du tyckte om den. Hoppas allt är bra med dig – jag fortsätter att hosta mig igenom ett snörvligt liv även idag! *kramar i massor*
Fantastiskt skrivet! Jag vet hur mycket morfar och mormor betydde för dig, och för mig var det en trygghet att veta att du kunde vara där när jag arbetade alldeles för mycket för varken ditt eller mitt bästa!
Jag saknar dem också, oerhört mycket, och även huset som var mitt hem i så många år! Vi flyttade dit när jag var 3 år, så det blev självklart att det och de alltid skulle finnas där! Sedan händer saker som vi inte kan tänka oss, även om vi alla vet att det ska hända, och de är borta idag. Huset finns ju kvar, fysiskt, så möjligheten att åka och titta på det får duga för att bekräfta minnet!
Jag är glad att du haft möjligheten att skapa dig fina minnen, och att vi har dem tillsammans. Utan minnen måste ju livet bli tomt, eller hur?
Love you, unge!!
Tack för de underbara orden, mamma! Jag vet att du också saknar dem, även om jag ibland känner att jag har ensamrätt till det. Och jag är jätteglad att du hade möjlighet att lämna/skicka mig dit när jag var liten, det var verkligen fantastiskt! Tack så hemskt mycket för alla fina minnen du gett mig! I do love you, mum! *stora kramar i massor*
[…] recently wrote a longer scribble about my grandparents and if you want to read, you will find it here. Share this:FacebookTwitterEmailLike this:LikeBe the first to like this […]
Beautiful memories! Thanks for the escape!!
The reason I wrote it on 11 September was because I wanted to escape… *smile* I’m just glad you liked it too! Thank you!