When Mother Earth in anger shakes,
no man withstands his human fate.
To her succumbs both love and hate!
How can she forgive us more mistakes?
No man withstands his human fate!
No matter what predictions man makes.
How can she forgive us more mistakes?
When faced with all our human hate?
No matter what predictions man makes,
her righteous anger we cannot sate!
When faced with all our human hate,
she rises up for all our sakes!
Her righteous anger we cannot sate!
She knows man’s care for her he fakes!
She rises up for all our sakes,
reminding us our world can’t wait!
She knows man’s care for her he fakes!
To her succumbs both love and hate,
reminding us our world can’t wait
When Mother Earth in anger shakes!
Author’s note: I do not do formalised poetry… I cannot count syllables. Had I been well (with a functioning brain not afflicted with fever and a bad cold) I would never have attempted this. However, this form, Pantoum, intrigued me… So here is my attempt. If you want to know what this should really be like, please visit d’Verse Poets Pub and their Form for All – Pantoum.
what a brilliant first and therefore , given the form, last line! For someone who says they don’t do form, this is certainly a good pantoum.
Thank you very, very much for the kind words! *smile* I’m glad it at least kind of worked!
CC…you rock! I know your under the weather…but your writing certainly isn’t! I am a form hater…so I shouldn’t really be saying anything to that regard…but I think this is an amazing attempt! Love the subject of the piece as well, and the passion in your words. Feel better Poet! The world needs your words!
Wow! *blushing madly – possibly in part due to fever* Thank you so much! I rather enjoyed it, but the whole counting syllables and stuff drives me mad! And me not being good at forms is quite funny considering I do bi-weekly poetry form posts over at Gooseberry Gardens… But I am trying to learn, at least! Thank you, again, so very much!
So glad you did attempt this. As someone who has been watching the earthquakes here in NZ this subject really reached me. I love what you have done with this. 🙂
Thank you Jo! The most recent inspiration came from a friend who lives in Germany where they had a very mild one earlier this evening (which really scares me since we are supposed to be reasonably safe up here)… But earthquakes and the power of nature is a subject that really fascinates me. Thank you very, very much!
Being unwell seems to work for your poetry (being emotionally upset sometimes works for mine – oh but this is about you!) Really this was exceptionally good; not only did you pretty much perfectly execute the form, you wrote an important poem. Neither easy to do! This form doesn’t require strict meter only rhyme repetition. I set myself the task of trying anapestic tetrameter but it wasn’t easy to maintain and breaks in several places. I loved this. In fact, I thought it was brilliant! … Gay
Thank you very much Gay! It took me a while to figure out what to do with this but I am glad I took the time (and I am SO glad you didn’t use terms like anapestic tetrameter in the original post! ;)). Knowing about not needing strict meter might actually help me try again (when I feel better), I really do HATE trying to count syllables (and knowing I’m no good at it doesn’t help). But thank you so very much for a really informative and inspiring post and, of course, for the very kind words… *smiling shyly*
Im a total new comer to this form but i think you have ticked all the right boxes –
your passion is not contained by the form – beware Gaias wrath
I’m overwhelmed with the response I’m getting to this… *blushing* Thank you very much!
You say you don’t do form normally – well you should – I really enjoyed reading this – the repetition worked well
Someone else also said this, but it feels like form takes away from spontaneity for me… Perhaps I sound overly confident, but when I scribble I tend to just let the words flow their own way and sometimes they fall into place. If I have to count lines and think about meters… *sigh* I don’t know. Perhaps I should try form more often? Thank you anyway for the very kind words!
I totally get ones aversion to rules and regulations when it comes to certain things. Poetry is one of those things for me as well. For me it takes part of the spontaneity and what makes me what to write out of the equation. But I’ve been certainly drawn to certain forms and it seems you have had a similar calling with the Pantoum yourself. I really liked your write, it has an amazing opening line, which is one of the first things I look for in a pantoum, outside the fact it’s the opening line of course, lol, but the rest lives up to the introduction.
Anyhow, just wanted to relate a bit I guess, but really this was very good, I’m certainly glad you gave it a shot and hopefully you’ll do more of it as well. Thanks for the write:)
Thank you! Part of it is the fear of appearing (or feeling) stupid for not getting what I’m supposed to be doing… Yes, I will admit that! I know it’s better to have tried and all that, but… I am very happy this little experiment seems to have gone down well, though. Perhaps I can try again in the future…? Thank you anyway for the supporting and kind words! *smile*
woohoo…i am no the only first timer…but after reading yours i may seem like it…haha…poignant considering we just had a earthquake recently…you did really well with this and brought truth in it as well…real meaning and nicely done…can i get sick too…smiles.
Oh, Brian I’d gladly send you this cold! Then again, I’m far too kind to do such a thing… And without it I wouldn’t have attempted this! *smile* Thank you for reading and thank you for the encouragement!
So, I think this subject fit wonderfully into this form. I could feel the intensity, which the repetition emphasized. I think you did a wonderful job, and I hope you are better soon!
Thank you, Lori! Both for the kind words about the poem and for the well-wishes! I am doing what I can about getting better and I am extremely overwhelmed and happy about all the praise! *blushing*
When Mother Earth shakes, all manner of emotions and ideas whirl in chaos! Lovely ideas!
Thank you very much! It was inspired by a tremor in Germany last night… I didn’t think we had that kind of activity around my parts of the world (well, I know we do, but no one I know here has ever told me they’ve felt it before) and it really brought out the little coward in me… *smile*
Brilliantly shared first attempt. Was really impressed with how well you stayed with the rhyme scheme.
*smile* I blame it on the cold I have. Normally I wouldn’t have the patience! Thank you so much!
This is a great poem. A real tour de force. Impressive.
Thank you David! It was something completely different for me, but it seems I managed OK. *smile*
and yes we need to listen =)
I think we do, I really think we do!
A great pantoum CC. I would second others and say you compose form very well, and this is a prime example. Nice rhyme and rhythm. Not that I wish you ill health, but I look forward to the next mad capped feverish bout for more formed poetry maybe 😉
Thank you very, very much! *blushing*
wow! absolutely beautiful. i’m impressed with how well you used the abba pattern. it holds you to the same two rhymes throughout unlike the abab, which i am partial to. it is an intriguing form; i’m glad you allowed your muddled brain the chance to explore the form.
Poetry forms usually really drives me round the bend… But in this case, since I was/am already there due to a bad cold, I just had fun and I’m glad you liked it! 🙂
You obviously have a god sense of rhythm so I wouldn’t worry about counting syllabes. Your subject matter is perfectly served by this formality, and by the measured rhythm you’ve achieved.
Thank you! *shaking head to clear thoughts* I’m absolutely overwhelmed by all the positive comments!
[…] The Pantoum was the first form I ever wrote properly in, on a fevery day back in September 2011 (When Mother Earth Shakes). It is, these days, one of my favourite forms. The Pantoum is based on repeating lines in the […]