Do you think you can control what goes on around you?
asked my analyst one day.
I had to stop and think, as so often I do
when he attacks me this way.
How do you mean ‘control’, I countered, of course I can control
parts of what goes on around me
at least what’s in my soul.
Are you aware that your behaviour could be called hypomania?
he threw at me another time.
Deep in the throes of depression I responded,
with certainty, I am FINE!
Can I not for once just let it be? For today I do feel fine!
The sun is shining, my head is working –
let me run with the thoughts in my mind!
So if you tell yourself not to feel, you mean that you just don’t?
– another stupid comment of his.
Well, doesn’t everyone try their best to avoid
and make painful feelings desist?
If I focus on the good bits and just brush away the rest…
Why should I focus on things that would hurt?
Is this question some stupid test?
Time and time over several years he’s proved me to be wrong,
but I’m still struggling to give in!
He does not know all that goes on in my head
– a battle I won’t let him win!
Stubbornness, my greatest flaw – one of many but nonetheless,
I won’t give up, I won’t succumb
and I remain a crazy mess!
For Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie and today’s challenge, Word Prompt #102, to write about Hamartia (something that describes a fatal flaw – think Achilles and his heel). It could be argued (and I support both sides in this argument) that stubbornness isn’t my greatest flaw (there are so many other flaws to choose from), but this is what came out, so take it or leave it! *smile*