The old woman, I saw, stood in the glen
out behind my house.
She’d stood there for hours, very still
and quiet as a mouse.
I could tell from the look on her wizened face
she was lost in times gone by,
and a question was born in my curious mind,
I had to ask her why?
The sun shone brightly from summer’s skies
as I brought her water cool.
Approaching I felt quite out-of-place,
quite literally a fool.
She took the drink and walked with me
back to my patio.
As we sat down she started to share
her stories from long ago.
At first she said she had long lived
where a neighbour lives, next door.
She was born there, is what she said,
almost ninety years before.
The reason she’d moved, ten years ago,
she quietly told me then,
was a sad story, but I should know,
her son hung himself in this glen.
She took my hand, told me not to fear,
he’d had many reasons for this ‘crime’.
It was long ago and it would seem,
there was a woman involved at the time.
Another glass of water clear
she swallowed and continued to say
how she’d come to terms with the loss of her son,
in these, her final days.
The family that she had raised,
with her husband of many years
had pick-nicked often on summer’s days
in the glen, she said in tears.
Sadly her husband had also passed
over the rainbow bridge
While driving home on the street outside,
he’d crashed right through the hedge.
The tree that stopped him still stood tall,
but sadly, he did not.
How long ago, she wasn’t sure,
but she’d never ever forgot
how the trunk of the tree, for years afterwards
still looked covered in his blood.
For weeks and months she’d cried and prayed
but had survived, thank God!
At this point in the story
I asked her if she would
join me for a glass of wine?
She smiled and said she could.
Red liquid in stemmed glasses stood
on the table as she went on.
Her story continued, in reverse,
of days that now were gone.
A swing had hung from a lower branch
of the oak tree in the past.
Her youngest daughter had loved that swing,
loved to swing on it, really fast.
One day, her man was still alive,
Lucy failed at dinner to appear.
They’d found her body, lifeless,
at the foot of the tree, quite near.
I asked the old woman, astounded,
why not simply chop it down?
She told me how, when her man was at war,
around it yellow ribbons she’d bound.
At the foot of the tree, then not so tall,
her first dog rested in his grave.
The tree that grew beside it
always gave her Spot some shade.
Our wine was almost finished,
the night was closing in.
She told me against the sapling tree
her first lover had kissed her chin.
Her father had been a woodsman
a carpenter by trade.
As a child she had sat there beside him
while wooden toys he made.
She seemed to suddenly realise
that day had turned to night.
As she stood to take her leave of me
she said it had been a delight
to tell her story, finally,
after way too many years.
One piece of her puzzle still remained
of her and her grandmother dear.
It had been on a summer’s day like this
more than eighty-five years in the past.
She had stood in the glen with her grandmother,
a bit scared of the shadows cast
by the mighty trees around them,
royal oaks, wide and tall.
She’d held on tightly to grandmother’s hand,
feeling frightened and very small.
Together they had hunkered down
beneath the frightening trees.
A hole they’d dug with efforts joined
and an acorn planted, you see?
She’d watched that oak grow tall and strong
for many years in life.
They’d shared so many memories
of love as well as strife.
She said farewell as she strode off,
I watched ’til darkness took her.
Then back onto my patio went I
feeling restless and quite shook up.
The following day the work-crew would come
clearing trees for homes being built.
There was no way the lady could have known,
but her oak was being killed.
This is my entry to Thursday Poet’s Rally Week 48.
Author’s note: This poem was much inspired by California Ink in Motion and also Bluebell Books Short Story Slam Week 5 (though too late to participate).
The following participation awards were given out to participants in Bluebell Books Short Story Slam Week 5 to promote Creative Writing for Children’s Literature:
I have been awarded the Jingle and Promising Poet’s Café’s Perfect Poet Award for Week 49, which I humbly accept.






















Vilken fantastisk historia! Well done, love!
Känner mig ganska utpumpad nu… Skrev den på tåget på vägen in i morse och renskrev nu på lunchen… Måste läsa några gånger till för att se att den verkligen funkar. Tack för att du finns! Love, love!
Very moving story. Loved the style of your writing.
Thank you! Wanted to wait until you’d read it (to make sure you didn’t hate it), but I am going to give your poem credit for the inspiration. Don’t know if that really makes any difference, but you can expect a pingback on it shortly! *smile*
heartfelt words.
thanks for sharing…
And thanks again for the opportunity to share! *smile*
Really really enjoyed this one–isn’t it interesting how a tree can become such an integral part of our lives?
I don’t think we even notice how important they are, ourselves, but I know of a few trees I’ve spent time with in my life that I would be devastated to see chopped down (even though they haven’t been the same kind of focus of disaster as in this story). Thank you for reading and letting me know you enjoyed! *smile*
You placed much magic in this and brought it to life
Well done CC
Thank you! Very glad you liked it (and took the time to read it since it’s sooooo long)!
I have a huge old oak in my backyard. I can’t imagine it not being there. Great story, and very well told. I enjoyed it!
Really happy to hear that! Was a bit worried that it is too long, but I couldn’t find a way around that and still keep the story going the way I wanted. *smile* Please say ‘hi’ to your old oak for me and thank you for reading!
i loves trees.
I am trees.
Trees is me.
We is we.
Me and the trees.
I’m not sure if that meant you liked it or not, but I’ll chose to think you did! *grin* Hope you’re having a good time over on the other side of the pond, and thank you for reading (even if you are a tree)! *kram*
I love the flow of this poem, I was completely swallowed in your story. Such a touching sad story it was, loved it
Thank you! I really appreciate that you took the time to read it and comment. *smile*
captivating till the last line… I enjoyed it a lot…
Thank you… I keep worrying about the length of the piece, but I don’t see how I could have cut it down without losing the story… It came to me this way… *blushing* Thank you for reading!
What an amazing story; I loved it! Very moving.
Thank you! I loved writing it! *smile*
This was an amazing story – It really kept me enthralled the entire read!
I’ll take that as a huge compliment. Thank you very much! *big smile*
Magical story. Love your imagery. Thanks so much for sharing
Thank you so much (or tack så mycket)! Think I’ll stick to English even though I now know you’re Danish, it’s awfully embarrassing when Danes understand me perfectly well and I don’t understand them! *big smile*
[...] CC Champagne (growthrings of life) [...]
You have crafted an amazing , powerful and captivating piece which spans so many generations … I love the way in which a new “secret” unfolded as the story continued …. Well done !!
The secret at the end came as a surprise to me too… I hadn’t planned on that, but this story told itself (and I hope that doesn’t sound boastful). Thank you, thank you very much!
so well done, join us for week 6 fun today.
bless your weekend.
THank you again, Jingle. I’ve been looking at week 6, but haven’t been able to find an ‘in’ to that story yet… I hope to get back to you though… *smile*
Wonderful poem, and clearly your prior commenters loved it. Hopefully I don’t get booed like Piers Morgan when I critique it, but that’s why you linked it at dVerse, so here goes.
Generally, the flow of this poem is terrific. The story is well told and I like how the years and events of the old woman’s life were wrapped up in the growthrings of the tree. I also like how the old woman ended her story with the planting of the tree with grandma, so that you moved from most recent event to most distant.
This is not the kind of poem I would write, but I’m not here to try to rewrite your poem to be like one of mine. The assignment was to provide some useful feedback and suggestions that you might incorporate to improve YOUR poem. There were just a few little things that didn’t quite flow for me that I might change:
1. In several places you use the word “she’d”, and mostly it works, but there are three instances when I think “she” would flow better and still maintain the meaning. Those instances are in S1L3, S3L5, and S6L4.
2. S4L1 is “She took my hand, told me not to fear,” The word “took” gave me the feeling that the old woman was leading you away to show you something but at the end of the stanza I realized you were still sitting on the patio. Perhaps a word that does not have the sense of movement would work better, such as “held” or “grasped.”
3. It’s sort of a nitpick, but the word “pick-nicked” in S5L3 is misspelled. It is based on the word “picnic,” which is a noun, and I don’t know how you turn it into a past-tense verb. Picniced, perhaps, or maybe just say “had picnics on summer days.”
4. In S6L5-6 you wrote: “how the trunk of the tree, for years afterwards
still looked covered in his blood.” The word “afterwards” at the end of the first of these two lines seems to break the flow of the thought and isn’t necessary for the meaning.
5. In S8, you use a proper name for the first and only time when you name the daughter Lucy. This was a little confusing because whenever I see a name, I have to stop and ask “who is that? have I seen that name before?” I would suggest changing the two lines as follows:
One day, when her man was still alive,
their daughter failed at dinner to appear.
Okay, that’s it for my suggestions, which are just that. You’ve done a great job and I can tell you’ve really worked on this poem to create a vivid tale. I came away sad that the tree would be cut down, but at peace that the old woman had gotten the chance to share her story before that happened. I also liked that she didn’t know what was to befall her beloved tree. Peace, Linda
Thank you Linda! Loads of helpful advice in your critique and you have definitely hit on some of the problem areas of this piece… I am very grateful you took the time to be so thorough and will surely incorporate your pointers when I re-work this.
And I don’t think you have to worry about being booed! At all! *big smile*
wow, Linda did a great job on crit…i want her on mine…smiles. really nice story telling and i think that linda pointed out a lot of good things…i know the feel of losing a tree that has been around a long time…
i think you have room to tighten this down and make it all the more evocative…why include i saw in the opening? show dont tell…doesnt matter that you saw it, make me experience it…and keep that in mind as you write and read…
thank you for joining in…and for playing at the pub…love having you there…
I really enjoy the pub’s atmosphere, so all thanks should go to you and the others who maintain such a lovely establishment (and serve such delicious spritzers too)!
First off…I think this is fantastic! You have woven a wonderful tale. One thing this forum has done for me is allowed me to realize how much I rely on unnecessary words in an attempt to maintain a rhythm…especially when I’m rhyming. I do think we could make this even stronger if we dropped a few here and there, resulting in a tighter write and a smoother read…this is what I’m thinking, using only the first stanza as example
The old woman, I saw, stood in the glen
out behind my house.
She’d stood there for hours, very still
and quiet as a mouse.
I could tell from the look on her wizened face
she was lost in times gone by,
and a question was born in my curious mind,
I had to ask her why?
What if we did this?
The Old Woman stood in the glen
out behind my house
She stood for hours, very still
quiet as a mouse
I could tell from the look on her wizened face
She was lost in times gone by
A question born in my curious mind,
I had to ask her why?
Again, LOVED the write…and Brian and Claudia made me do this!
Phew! Thanks for offering up your words…
Thank you, Tash, and you are so right! I remember taking some English class at some point (a long time ago) and the teacher telling us how we should treat words as if they are gold coins. Never spend more than you have to…
You are right, as I’ve already said, and my wordiness doesn’t help me or this piece. I will definitely take that on board as I re-work this too…
And I am getting to your piece, it’s just taking me a little bit longer than I expected. So sorry to keep you waiting!
I enjoyed this very much. It is a beautifully wrought tale, and the structure you have used and the language do give it a real feel of days gone by. A triumph in my book.
[...] Champagne This is a re-write (my first ever) of a poem/story I first posted a few months ago here. Last night I took part in dVerse Poets Pub’s Critique and Craft, and was lucky enough to [...]